We were at a friend’s Halloween party on a Sunday evening. On the way over there, my 6 year old diva started kicking the back of the husband’s chair. She was asked to stop, not once, not twice but three times. She didn’t stop. So on the fourth time, it was shouting at her to stop. Do you know what went through my head right then? I hate shouting at my kids. I really do. But sometimes, they don’t listen and you can’t keep going down the softly softly route. It just doesn’t work! If they listen the first time, then there would be no need for raised voices. She stopped there and then.
Sharing is Scary
There was a lot going on at the party. There was a bonfire, fireworks, sparklers, the works. There were glow sticks as well. Every child got 2 glow sticks. They started throwing them up in the air and generally messing around with them. Some kids picked up more than 2 etc. My diva got about 6 in her hand. There was another girl who was upset because she didn’t have any. I bent down and asked my diva to give the little girl some of hers. Here’s how it went:
Me: Please give that girl 2 of your glow sticks, she doesn’t have any
Diva: No! I found them, they are mine.
Me: Please, give them to her. (Glaring eyes and gritted teeth, we were in public)
Diva: EH (the noise she makes, which I can’t replicate which is a mix of a whinge and a no)
The little girl ran off and I bent down again through gritted teeth with a warning. Diva went running towards the little girl to give it to her but the little girl refused after finding some more. I was very angry with her for not sharing when I asked her.
I was angry at her behaviour. More so at the fact that she wasn’t listening to me. My husband got angry in the car and said that she wasn’t allowed to have her Nintendo DS the next day. They usually have it on weekend mornings before breakfast for an hour or so. She didn’t really react. The next morning, she came into the room asking for it. I kicked my husband because he was the one that implemented this ban so he can deal with the backlash. He told her no. She screamed. Literally screamed. Right there, in our room. She closed her eyes, clenched her fists and screamed. I asked her to go to her room, just because I can’t listen to that sound. It’s the most irritating noise ever and she needed to be contained. She turned and SLAMMED my door and then continued to scream in her room with the door opened.
In between her screams, and bangs and shouts she yells:
“I don’t like you Mammy, I want a different Mammy”
How am I supposed to react to that? It hurt, I won’t lie. But I was a little girl once, and believe it or not, I can relate to her reaction. She is like me, she says stuff in the heat of the moment that she doesn’t mean, just to gauge a reaction from the other person. I am so guilty of that with my husband, any time we argue. I kept my cool and we ignored her.
I knew she was getting tired of screaming. She came into the room the odd time asking again and then slamming doors again and again but she knew that we were not giving in. Her cries turned to sniffles and she tried to hug me. I asked her if she liked me, she said yes. I asked her if she wanted a different Mammy, she said I was the best.
Lucky I have thick skin. Just remember when your child, probably your daughter, says that she doesn’t like you, it’s just words. Don’t take it to heart. She will always want your hugs. I don’t know how to deal with these tantrums effectively. She could have a tantrum over not finding her shoes some days. She doesn’t have them every day. I just ignore it completely. I try to ask her to calm down first and tell her that it’s not a big deal but if that doesn’t work it will cause her to go off on one. I worry that this is going to manifest into her becoming a stressed, angry person in her future. Ok, let me correct that, I worry that this is going to manifest into her becoming a stressed, angry TEENAGER in her future. Let’s just watch this space, maybe she will be one of those pleasant, studious teenagers that doesn’t give me any grief…. right?
Until the next Temper Tantrum, farewell Mammies xxx
Reality Mammy xxx